Changing the Mirage
Chapter 12"When does Mykhail get here?" Shane questioned as he and Taylor walked through the quiet neighborhood.
"Um…Thursday evening," he replied, nodding. "I think you two will really like each other."
"I’m sure we will."
"I’m really excited for you to meet her. I wish you could have met earlier."
"Me too," he scoffed causing Taylor to immediately cringe and regret his choice of words. He knew exactly what he meant by his reaction to his comment. And although he didn’t say it, he knew they could have met if he’d invited him home.
"But I’m glad you get to meet her in a couple of days nonetheless," he spoke softly, hoping not to cause an argument.
"I’m sure it’ll be fun for however long you want me around."
"What?" he questioned.
"I know it’ll be ‘best friend’ time and I won’t get to spend much time with you while she’s here. I have a backup plan."
"You will get to spend time with me…but only if you want to. I don’t want you to have a backup plan, but if you feel the need to have one then fine. Do whatever. You don’t have to meet her. Hell, you don’t even have to come. But I know your best friend. I hang with him. We’re friends. I thought it’d be nice if you got to meet mine and get to know her…even if she will only be here for a few days. But if you’re going to have an attitude with me or take your anger with me, out on her then I’d almost prefer you not come along."
"I wouldn’t do that."
"Shane, I’ll have a little piece of home here with me. I want to share that with you. But I won’t make you and I won’t beg. It’s up to you…just…let me know," he shrugged walking ahead.
"Tay," he called before jogging to catch up with him. "I do…want to meet her. I’ll get my attitude in check."
"Thank you…because I also want to share you with my little piece of home," he smiled.
"I want that as well. I’ll do a better job showing it."
"I love you."
"I love you too," he replied before leaning in and kissing him. Things had been very tense between them the last few days. And although they weren’t fighting over a bunch of petty issues, their major ones weren’t getting solved either. Taylor just couldn’t resolve within himself how to compromise without feeling like he was giving up himself. And because of it, things remained at a standstill.
"Hey!" Taylor enthusiastically opened the door. "Zac," he spoke confusion clearly taking over. "What are you doing here?"
"Good to see you too, Tay," he replied back sarcastically.
"No, I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant…never mind," he shook his head. "Come here," he embraced him in a hug. "I didn’t know you were bringing him," he directed toward Mykhail as he hugged her as well.
"I didn’t want her to have to be stuck with just you and your boyfriend for her entire visit."
"I missed you," he whispered ignoring Zac’s joke.
"Tay, you just saw me like a week ago," she replied as his grip increased and he hugged her tighter.
"I know…I’m used to seeing you every day," he defended. "We didn’t really get to catch up before I left. And…it’s been a hard couple of weeks. But better now that you’re here…definitely better," he smiled.
"Good. So, where’s this awesome man of yours?" she asked, a grin prominent on her face.
"On his way. I think you’re going to like him…both of you, surprisingly."
"Thanks Tay," Zac chuckled sarcastically. "Can we go inside?"
"After you, Your Highness," he smirked.
"Thank you princess," he smiled walking past him. Taylor chuckled, shaking his head. This was going to be a good weekend.
"So you’re dating someone…" Taylor nodded, eyeing Mykhail. They were all out ice skating and had been taking a rest for a few minutes.
"Yes Taylor…we’ve already covered and discussed this."
"We haven’t discussed it…everything has been conspiring against us to be able to really talk about it."
"Let’s do it," she shrugged.
"So you come to visit me with Zac instead of your boyfriend?" Taylor questioned.
"What’s that supposed to mean?" Zac questioned, pretending to be offended.
"Um…she’s dating someone and she shows up with you. Weird," Taylor chuckled.
"Is there a question in there?"
"Tell me about him,"
"He’s hot," she smiled.
"Okay," he chuckled, motioning for her to elaborate.
"He’s funny and smart and deep and passionate and amazing. And I like him," she answered simply. "Actually…I really, really like him," she nodded.
"You deserve amazing," Taylor replied sincerely, grabbing her hand.
"You really do," Zac agreed smiling.
"I just met you and I agree with them," Shane replied sincerely causing her smile to grow slightly.
"Come skating with me," she directed toward Taylor raising her eyebrows.
"You two going to be okay?" he looked at Shane and Zac. They both nodded their agreement before they made their way back to the rink.
"So Zac," Shane began after several moments of silently watching Taylor and Mykhail on the ice. "Are you dating anyone?"
"Sorry Shane. You’re already dating my brother," he teased.
"Damn," he snapped, sarcastically.
"But, actually, yea I am," he nodded.
"You really into this girl?"
"Yea," Zac replied unable to contain his smile.
"She’s lucky to have you."
"Really, I’m the lucky one."
"I’d say she’s lucky too. And I don’t say that just because I’m dating your brother either," he teased causing Zac to laugh once again. "And I know we don’t know each other well but…you seem like a funny…and smart…and deep…and passionate guy," he nodded slowly. Zac bit his lip, breaking eye contact; unsure of how to respond exactly.
"That obvious, huh?" he questioned, finally meeting his gaze again.
"Only if you’re looking," he replied causing him to nod. "Are you two happy?"
"Yea," he smiled slowly.
"Then that’s all the matters," he reassured. Zac opened his mouth to respond but stopped when Taylor came crashing into the wall nearest them.
"You two get off your asses and come join us," he happily demanded. They both laughed when he lost his balance and fell.
"That’s your brother,"
"That’s your boyfriend,"
"He was your brother before he was my boyfriend,"
"Well…fuck, you got me there," he replied as they made their way to the ice. "Shane," he began as they stepped onto the ice. "Thanks…for thinking that. It’s the only thing that matters, I mean."
"It’s the truth," he shrugged.
"The same goes for you two as well. Tay is hard to deal with ninety two percent of the time, five percent he’s completely ridiculous but catch him in that three percent-"
"And he’ll completely amaze you," he interrupted.
"I’m glad he’s got you," he spoke sincerely as he skated backwards. Shane couldn’t help but smile at his words as Taylor made his way back to him. Once he was stopped in front of him, he pulled him into a hug before kissing him sweetly on the lips. Despite the tension between them, he was glad to have Taylor.
"Where’re Khail and Zac?" Taylor questioned as he slid back into the booth.
"Dancing," Shane nodded out to the dance floor.
"Cool, are you having fun tonight with my younger brother and best friend?" Taylor smiled.
"Of course I am," he chuckled. "Not nearly as much fun as they are though."
"What?" Taylor questioned confused.
"They look pretty cozy out there," he spoke slowly as if he were choosing his words wisely. Taylor scanned the dance floor and quickly found where Mykhail and Zac were dancing together. He couldn’t deny the fact that they did seem to be dancing closer than they would have in the past. He didn’t think anything would be going on as he was sure they would have told him. "Taylor," Shane spoke bringing him out of his thoughts.
"Yea," he answered not taking his eyes off of them on the dance floor.
"They haven’t…" he trailed off.
"Haven’t what?" he looked at them. Shane narrowed his eyes at him in confusion. He glanced out at the dance floor before looking back at Taylor.
"Nothing," he shook his head.
"No…tell me," he demanded.
"Never mind," he smiled. "Nice moves!" he spoke as Mykhail and Zac made their way back to the booth.
"Have fun out there?" Taylor questioned a hint of snide in his tone.
"Yea, it was," Mykhail replied somewhat breathless.
"It looked like it."
"Yea, it could have continued but someone needed a breather," Zac teased, nudging her slightly. She looked over at him and laughed.
"Next song it’s back on," she spoke confidently.
"I was, actually, hoping to get next song. I mean, you’ve never danced with me the way you danced with him."
"Yea Taylor because you’re gay," she teased causing Shane and Zac to laugh.
"Well then just pretend I’m Zac and it should come a little easier for you," he replied climbing over Shane and out of the booth. Zac and Mykhail looked at Shane who gave them a small smile before exchanging confused looks with one another about the reason for his sudden change in attitude.
~~~
"I think I’m going to stay with Shane tonight," Taylor spoke as they entered his apartment.
"Are you serious?" Mykhail questioned in disbelief.
"Taylor," Shane began.
"I figured we could hang out all day tomorrow…just the two of us. And Zac and Shane can hang out. Then I figured I’d switch you two out for each other," he smiled. "So I would spend tonight with him since I won’t see him the next two days." She bit her lip and stared at him blankly for a moment.
"That’s fine with me," Zac shrugged finally answering.
"That’s okay with me too," Shane replied although it came out as more of a question than statement.
"Good! I’ll get me some clothes and then we can head out. Sound good?" he looked at Shane who only nodded in response. Mykhail followed Taylor as he made his way down the hall and to his bedroom.
"Hey Tay, can we talk before you go?" she questioned closing the door slightly.
"We’ll have all day to talk tomorrow," he glanced at her smiling.
"I don’t know if I want this to wait."
"Okay," he folded his arms, giving her his attention. She opened her mouth but immediately closed it again. She wasn’t even sure how to form the words. She repeated this process a few times before biting her lip, nervously. "Well," he motioned for her to say what she needed to. But the act didn’t come off as encouraging, and she knew he wasn’t going to have a good reaction.
"I guess it can wait until tomorrow," she whispered, finally deciding not to say anything just yet.
"Are you sure?" he raised his eyebrows. She stared intently at him for several seconds before shrugging.
"I wouldn’t even know where to begin," she replied opening the door and leaving the room before he could respond.
~~~
Taylor gently turned the key in the lock, trying to make sure to be as quiet as possible. It was late. Too late to be sneaking in or out of his apartment…or anyone’s for that matter, considering he had to sneak out of Shane’s too. He walked softly to the living room, but stopped before entering. He didn’t need to. He was seeing what Shane had implied and what he had suspected since their arrival. Khail and Zac were cuddled and asleep on a palette on the floor. Although he was thankful they weren’t in his bed, he still couldn’t help the annoyance and anger that was beginning to flow through him. He thought about just leaving and coming back in the morning, but his better judgment had left somewhere after the time he had thought of this idea. He walked back to the front door and opened it before slamming it as hard as he could. He could hear the hushed curse words leave their mouths just before he heard soft running descending down the hall. He walked back into the living room and quickly flipped on the light.
"What the fuck, Tay?" Zac questioned through squinted eyes.
"Mykhail, get out here!" Taylor yelled, completely ignoring Zac’s question. She stepped out of his room and into the hallway.
"What is it, Taylor?" she asked, walking to where he was.
"You tell me," he folded his arms.
"I think you know what it is without me needing to say it."
"No," he shook his head.
"Taylor, I’m standing here in my t-shirt and panties in front of Zac. Really? Do you really need me to say it?"
"Oh no, I think you need to," he nodded.
"Tay-"
"No Zac," he interrupted. "I’m talking to Mykhail."
"I’m talking to you, Taylor," he spoke, finally standing from the floor.
"Oh, is your man coming to your defense?" he spoke condescendingly.
"You finished?"
"Say it,"
"Zac and I are dating," she spoke simply.
"How long?"
"Long enough for us to be here two days and your boyfriend figure it out in ten minutes, but you are completely oblivious to the fact."
"This is bad on so many levels. But why didn’t you tell me?"
"When was I supposed to tell you? When you weren’t returning my calls or emails or texts because you were so wrapped up in your little world?"
"Why is this a bad idea?" Zac questioned.
"As if I even need to acknowledge that question with an answer."
"I think you do Taylor."
"You think she really likes you Zac."
"If you had come an hour earlier, you could have seen just how much she likes me," he responded. Mykhail and Taylor’s mouths both dropped open before she punched him firmly in the arm.
"Can we be mature here?"
"I am being mature. I’m looking out for your interests."
"No…you’re being a passive aggressive asshole."
"You like Zac so I thought assholes were what you were going for. My bad," he shrugged.
"No, I just thought I’d take a page out of your book and go for someone who’s completely wrong for me, who’s ashamed of me, and who I have to be their secret fuck toy."
"Fuck you,"
"No fuck you Jordan Taylor Hanson! I have constantly been there for you whenever you needed me. I have supported your stupid, idiotic choices for boyfriends and men you date even though everything screamed that they were wrong for you. I have encouraged you. I have stood by you when no one else has. And what have you done for me? Nothing! I’m happy…really happy…with Zac! But instead of being happy with me or hell, even for me. You’re so self centered and arrogant you think it’s about you. Zac is amazing. If anyone should know that, it should be you."
"I think this," he spoke pointing between the two of them. "Is a mistake."
"I think you," she mimicked him, pointing to him. "Are mean. And you’re not a very good friend. Whenever any guy shows you the least bit of attention, you don’t think twice about deserting me. You were here how long before you and Shane met? And started dating? And I had to find that out from Zac. Who found out from Isaac because you couldn’t even find it in your heart to call the girl you call your best friend! You can be mad at me all you want for dating Zac. You can think it has nothing to do with the fact that I think he’s amazing and everything to do with you. You can be mad at me that I didn’t tell you, but I tried. You know what? Pick up your fucking phone sometimes, return a fucking phone call and you would have known. You’re an inconsiderate, passive aggressive asshole and I’m starting to really question why I’ve called you friend all these years," He ran his tongue over his teeth as they stood, staring at one another. "Anything to say?"
"I’m not the one wrong here," he bit the inside of his lip.
"Of course you are. You always are. It’s just that no one has ever had the balls to tell you," she spoke walking to the couch. She angrily stuffed her things back in her bag before standing and walking past him. "Bye Taylor," she spoke just before letting the door slam behind her.
"You’re something else," Zac shook his head.
"Now you’re going to lecture me? Really? You’re fucking my best friend."
"Keep treating her like that Tay, she won’t be your best friend for much longer. She just stormed out of your apartment, half dressed in the middle of the night. I’d say you crossed the line."
"Then why aren’t you with her if you think I crossed the line?"
"That’s probably a good idea," Zac nodded.
"Probably so,"
"Probably," he huffed, throwing his shirt over his head.
"Yep,"
"Mmmhmmm," he spoke walking to the door.
"You better not tell mom and dad either," he called before the door shut behind him.
"So where did they go?" Shane questioned. He and Taylor had been sitting in a stuffy silence since they’d both gotten up. When he returned the night before, he woke and briefed him on everything that had happened during his argument with Zac and Mykhail.
"Don’t know, don’t care," he shrugged. "I can’t believe she called me passive aggressive," Taylor chuckled in genuine disbelief. "Can you believe that?" Shane eyed him carefully for a few moments before stuffing his mouth with bagel. He didn’t want to have to respond to that. He watched Taylor in quiet contemplation. He didn’t want to argue with him, but he was curious why he had reacted the way he did. After deciding, maybe against his better judgment, he finally got the courage to start the conversation.
"So, are you jealous?"
"No, I’m not jealous."
"Are you sure?"
"I’m sure I have nothing to be jealous of, yes."
"Okay…so…your best friend is happy and your brother is happy. And they happen to be happy together. And that bothers you?"
"She’s bad at relationships. Terrible at them…she’s almost worse than me. And he can’t commit. He’ll fuck anything with two legs and remotely pretty, that moves. They’ll both end up hurt."
"Oh okay…because it looks like they’re happy and it sounds like your jealous…just saying," he shrugged.
"Are you taking their side?"
"No, who needs to be logical and rational."
"Are you being sarcastic right now Shane McKenna?" Taylor folded his arms. Shane stared at him blankly for a few moments before shoving the other half of his bagel in his mouth. "Why can’t you be on my side? I’m your boyfriend and you just met them."
"Because I think you’re wrong Taylor," he shrugged, standing from the table to take his plate to the sink. "And I’m not going to back you when you’re wrong because it would make you seem like you’re right. I love you enough to tell you when you’re wrong."
"I just feel like if you loved me, you’d be with me on this."
"Wait…now you’re gonna question how I feel about you because I won’t side with you?"
"Well…" he trailed off. "What am I supposed to think?"
"It takes that much to make you doubt me?"
"No…this was just kinda the cherry on top of everything else!" Shane rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the anger rising up.
"I can’t believe you just said that to me. I’ve done everything I know how to help you to be able to trust me. You’re needier than a woman. I’m going to leave…before I say something I mean…and maybe you should be gone by the time I get back." he finished walking past him and out of the room before he could say anything else. Taylor wasn’t sure what had just happened. But he did know he’d just crossed the line.
It had been three days since his blow up with Shane and his argument with Mykhail and Zac. He hadn’t even spoken to them before they left. They didn’t bother to call and he wasn’t sure he would have bothered to answer. He had also successfully ignored all his parent’s calls. He did check the voicemails, which is how he knew Mykhail and Zac had gotten home a day early. Although they knew something was going on, they’d apparently been tight lipped about it.
To say he felt alone would be an understatement. He had done an excellent job of alienating everyone in his life who meant anything to him. He was being classic Taylor. Whenever anything got too hard or difficult for him, he pushed anyone who cared away. Except this time, he didn’t know if they’d stick around long enough for him to make it right.
He sighed as he grabbed his phone and flopped down on his couch. He knew what he needed. He needed comfort. He needed someone who wouldn’t judge him for the stupid things he’d said and done. He hated that he had to be so dependent on him, but he honestly didn’t know what else to do. He needed a friend. He scrolled through his contacts and dialed the appropriate number.
"Hello,"
"Hey," he replied. He sighed through the silence on the other end. "I need you," the three heavy words came out simply; more simply than they ever had in the past; more simply than they probably would again.
~~~
Taylor wiped off his hands and threw the paper towel in the trashcan as he made his way to answer the ringing doorbell. He already knew who it was so he didn’t even bother to ask before opening it.
"You ask me to fly out here and you can’t even pick me up from the airport?" Isaac questioned, a grin playing at the corner of his lips.
"It was cheaper you just coming here," he smiled innocently.
"You’re paying my cab fare back."
"Deal," he shrugged. "Come in," he ordered taking his bag out of his hand.
"Nice place."
"Thanks," he tossed it in the corner. He watched as Isaac slowly turned, taking in the room. "So…" he spoke after he’d finished and had been staring at him for a few moments.
"Come here," he held out his arms for a hug.
"Ike," he groaned.
"Now Tay," he encouraged, knowing that even though he was disagreeing he really wanted a hug. He huffed before stalking over and giving him a hug.
"I think I really messed up this time," he whispered. Isaac grabbed his shoulders and held him out so they could look at each other.
"Um…yes," he replied back simply. "Tell me what happened this time," he sat down on the couch, folding his arms.
"How much do you know?" he cringed. Isaac gave him a look that told him he wasn’t going to answer that. Mykhail and Zac had briefed him on what happened during their visit, but he wanted to hear his version as well as what happened with Shane. "Alright," he sighed. "I may not have expressed my concerns about them dating in the proper manner," he explained causing Isaac to hold back laughter. "Okay, I think I freaked out a little bit about them dating," Isaac motioned for him to continue, knowing there was more to this. "I told them the two of them together was a bad idea…a really bad idea."
"In essence telling them you don’t trust either of their judgments,"
"I can’t believe you’re taking her side. First Shane, now you!"
"Speaking of Shane…" he trailed off ignoring his attitude and hoping he’d get the hint to continue.
"He wouldn’t take my side so I questioned how much he really loves me."
"Hmm," he tapped his finger on his chin, pretending to be in deep thought. "So how do you think this made all of them feel?"
"Okay Dr. Phil, I get it."
"Do you really? She is your best friend, Taylor. If your heart hurts, hers does as well. If you’re happy then so is she. Try being her best friend too."
"She didn’t have to start dating Zac for her to accomplish that," he mumbled.
"Grow up Tay, this is what you do…you push people away because you know they’ll never really leave you. But if you don’t make this right then she will and so will Shane. You’ll lose her. You’ll lose him. And you may not completely lose Zac, but you may lose some really good years with your brother that you can’t get back."
"What if I just messed up too bad this time?"
"You were an idiot. You hurt their feelings. They love you…so they’ll forgive you. But it will require some serious apologizing on your part," he replied. "And soon," he added on.
"Thanks Ike."
"What are big brothers for?"
"Seriously…for…ya know? Everything,"
"I just want you to be happy Taylor," he replied back sincerely. "And pointing out all your idiocies is just a perk."
"You’re a swell guy Ike," he replied with a calm sarcasm causing him to shrug and smile proudly.