I wandered through the rooms of the crowded bar, cold drink gripped tightly in my hand. The BTA show had been amazing as usual; Tommy was looking as good as ever. He’d found me before they took the stage, and told me not to go anywhere after their set. My nerves were on edge as I scanned the crowd, looking for the familiar blond mess. I was starting to lose hope, when I heard my name.
”Hey Zac.” Tommy smiled, sipping his beer, and I lost my voice for a moment.
”Um, hey Tommy. Great show tonight.” I smiled, trying to look more calm than I felt. I hated that he made me feel like a fangirl, but I couldn’t fight the butterflies in my stomach. He nodded, his smile exuding confidence, but not arrogance.
”Thanks. Yea, it was a pretty good set; not our best, but sure as hell not our worst. So how’s school going?”
”Oh, not bad. I had this test yesterday, stupid professor didn’t cover any of it in the review last week. I think I did okay though.
”Yea, I hate when they do that. I think they want us to flunk, so that we gotta keep retaking the class; gives ‘em job security.” Tommy and I laughed; I was feeling more comfortable, not much but a little. “So, where’s your boyfriend?” I blinked, confused, and he tilted his head.
”The guy you’re always with? River, I think you called him?”
”Oh. Oh, no. He’s not my… I mean, we’re just…” Tommy actually blushed, his eyes widening a bit.
”Oh, hey man, I’m sorry. I just kind of assumed… Wow, I feel like an ass.” Tommy laughed nervously; it seemed so strange, compared to his usual swagger. I blushed hard when I realized what he’d assumed, and what he thought my denial meant.
”Um, it’s okay. I’m…” I took a deep breath; I’d never really stated my preference out loud to anyone, even myself. “Not… straight.” I felt my face burning as Tommy looked up, a hint of a smile returning. After a moment, he nodded.
”Okay. That’s cool. I’m… not straight too,” he added, his trademark smirk back in place. Someone called to Tommy and he turned away for a minute, greeting them; I let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that I’d expected him to be judgmental, but his acceptance was comforting nonetheless. He turned back to me, finishing his beer.
”Well, I need a refill. You want something?” Tommy started backing away slowly, expecting me to follow. I shrugged and nodded, killing my own drink as we approached the bar. He ordered two beers, handing me one; I glanced at the bartender, but he didn’t look my way. I shrugged and took it, trying to tell myself I’d imagined feeling Tommy’s fingers brush against mine.
We drank in relative silence for a while, listening to the music playing over the speakers. I caught Tommy looking at me a few times, but looked away shyly every time. Our drinks were finished, and replaced with new ones; I was feeling a bit buzzed, not really used to drinking, but the feeling was pleasant. I found myself staring at Tommy more, and when he caught my eyes, I didn’t look away. There was an intensity between us, not unlike between River and me, but different.
”So, Zac,” Tommy started, stepping closer to me. “Do you have a boyfriend?” Even though his tone was innocent enough, to my ears it sounded seductive and lusty, making my temperature rise. I looked away for a moment, meeting his gaze only after shaking my head. He was smirking again, but there was an edge to it, almost a darkness, and it made me shiver involuntarily.
”I’m surprised. I’m sure a boy like you could get anyone you wanted.” His voice was smooth and slow, almost a purr, as he stepped even closer, turning to face me as he leaned against the bar. His eyes flickered up and down, just slow enough to make me think he wanted me to see it. He licked his lips after finishing his beer, looking away just long enough to set it down.
”Is there anyone you want?” His arm that rested on the bar shifted, and I felt him trailing his finger down my bare arm, sending a chill down my spine. He looked at me through heavy-lidded eyes, and it was all I could do to keep breathing. He looked away for a moment again, pushing away from the bar. He turned and headed towards the exit, once again expecting me to follow. And of course I did, not even looking as I set my drink down and chased after him through the crowd.
I almost lost sight of him, but caught him heading out the door; once outside, I looked around, finding him walking slowly towards the side of the building. I took a deep breath before willing my feet to move, my heart pounding in my ears, my vision blurry from more than just the alcohol. As I turned the corner, he was leaning against the side of the building, lit cigarette hanging from his lips, half-hidden in shadow. His eyes met mine, and I felt physically pulled towards him.
I tried to calm my breathing as I stood in front of him, as close as I dared. He held his cigarette out to me, pulling it away when I reached out to take it. He raised an eyebrow at me, nodding his head in a “come closer” way, and holding it out again. Eyeing him carefully, I leaned closer, letting him hold it as I took a drag. He licked his lips as I pulled away, exhaling slowly. I felt his hand on my hip, pulling me closer; I didn’t try to resist, wondering how close he wanted me. I got my answer when our bodies collided, his arm snaking around my waist.
The feeling of his body pressed against mine, feeling how turned on he was, was almost too much for me to take. I braced myself with one arm against the wall, unintentionally bringing us into even greater contact. He held the cigarette out to me again, watching me as I sucked on it. He took the last drag and tossed it, his hand under my chin drawing my face closer.
I couldn’t breath as I anticipated what would come next, but he held back, waiting. I started to let out a shaky sigh, his lips cutting me off suddenly. His eyes stayed open, watching mine, as he kissed me slowly. There was an underlying heat to the kiss, whispers of things to come. My eyes fell shut as I lost myself in everything I was feeling; his lips, gentle but firm on mine; his hand on my hip, gripping almost possessively.
He pulled away slowly, nipping at my bottom lip. I looked down, burning from head to toe from both embarrassment and desire. I heard him chuckle lightly, before gently nudging me backwards. I stepped away, watching as he pushed off from the wall.
”Well, Zac. I hate to have to kiss and run, but…” He trailed off, fishing another cigarette out of his pack and lighting it. “I’ll see you again, though.” It was a statement, a fact. I nodded once, fighting back the irrational urge to pout. “See ya round, Zac.” He winked at me as he walked away, turning the corner. Once he was out of sight, I let my head rest against the wall, taking slow, deep breaths. I looked down at my hands; they were shaking violently.
I turned around, sliding down and sitting on the dirty sidewalk. I sat there for a long time, my mind reeling from everything that had happened. I could still feel his fingers gripping my side, could still taste his mouth, smoky and sweet. I could still hear his voice, breathing my name. It was all too much, and I was only mildly surprised when I had to wipe my eyes.
”Have a good time?” I looked up, startled at the sound of River’s voice; I hadn’t expected him to still be up. The lights were off, and he was laying in his bed, not doing anything but definitely awake. I let the door close behind me and nodded, quickly changing and jumping into my bed.
”So what happened? Did you talk to him?” River’s tone was teasing, but curious. I rolled over to face him, wondering how much to tell him. I didn’t know why I wouldn’t tell him everything, but somehow it just didn’t seem right.
”A little. Not much. He, uh… had to leave early.” River looked at me for a while, and for a moment I worried that somehow he would see through the lie. But he just smiled, rolling onto his back.
”Ah, well. Maybe next time, huh? Anywho, night.” His tone was strangely short, and it left me confused. I didn’t know of any reason for him to be upset, but something about the way he’d answered felt off. But sleep was calling, the exhaustion from such an… eventful night catching up with me. Tommy’s voice echoed in my ears as consciousness slipped away, again and again, like waves on a shore. But at some point, just before I slipped under completely, it was River’s voice that took over.