Changing the Mirage
Chapter 7"They better have found us some good seats," Rizzo spoke as they stood in line waiting to get in the theater.
"The fact that they conned us into getting snacks while they saved them, I definitely agree with that sentiment," Taylor smiled.
"So you and Shane seem to be getting a bit more serious," Rizzo said after a few moments of silence passed and the line slowly began to move. "I mean, I barely get to hang out with my best friend anymore. You’re monopolizing all of his time."
"Well, the monopolizing isn’t intentional," Taylor smiled. "And believe it or not, goes both ways. I never get to hang out with any of my friends either."
"You have other friends," he teased.
"Touché."
"You didn’t acknowledge the other part of my statement."
"Maybe…I don’t know."
"Well whether you’re getting serious about him, he’s getting serious about you."
"I doubt that," he chuckled, trying to hide his nervousness.
"Taylor, I know it’s cliché as his best friend to threaten you with physical harm if you hurt him so…I’ll refrain. But he likes you…a lot. Do not hurt him."
"It’s not the plan," he replied handing the worker their tickets.
"Good…because I’d really hate to hurt that pretty little face of yours," he threw a few pieces of popcorn in his mouth before walking ahead and into the theater.
~~~
"So I feel like I should apologize for Rizzo," Shane said as they walked through the park toward the playground. After the movie was over, they grabbed some food with the rest of the group. Everyone quickly decided to part ways, and do their own thing since it was getting late and a few of them had plans for the next day.
"What do you mean?"
"He told me about your conversation while you two were in line."
"How…honest of him," Taylor shot a weird glance over at him.
"According to him, as my best friend he didn’t cross any lines but my boyfriend may have thought he did. He didn’t want to chance it."
"He doesn’t want you hurt. Why would I be offended by that?"
"I think it was more the implication that my feelings may be deeper than yours."
"Oh,"
"And if they are, it’s okay."
"Sometimes," he paused briefly, thinking of the right words to chose. "I just don’t know how to feel…"
"About me?"
"You…relationships in general, while in relationships, about…everything."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure,"
"How long did you know you were gay before you came out?"
"I think I always knew," he nodded, sitting on a nearby bench. "I just didn’t identify myself as that until I realized there was a name to place to it."
"And you came out in high school?" he nodded, choosing that as his method to answer. "Have you ever been in a serious relationship?"
"Um…kinda,"
"Kinda?"
"I’m not sure if relationship is how it could really be defined. And I guess that’s why I don’t know what to feel about it…this," he corrected quickly. "I mean, who gets their first serious relationship right?"
"Someone who’s dating someone who didn’t get theirs right?" they sat staring at one another before Taylor finally broke eye contact. "I guess what I’m just trying to figure out is," he decided to break the silence. "If that’s why you’re hesitant to feel anything for me with any depth."
"How do you know I already don’t?"
"Because if you did, I would feel it too. It’s something that would radiate from you if you did," he explained. Taylor broke eye contact, feeling his eyes accusing him of something wrong. He wanted to apologize, protest and deny. But he couldn’t. Because even if he didn’t want Shane to know all these things, everything he said was accurate. He had been holding back. He had been tripping and falling and catching himself. He wanted to feel something deep and meaningful toward him. But his fear shot up like a concrete barrier every time, stopping them dead in his tracks.