Long ago, on an earlier incarnation of this blog, I had a post about dealing with writer’s block. I’d spent the better part of my teen years and early twenties dealing with it, only to spend the past year writing more than ever before. So, at the time, I felt like an expert.
In the past two months, I feel like I’ve forgotten everything I ever knew about writing.
I did finish writing my baby (Cause and Effect, one of the stories that brought me back to hanfic last summer) this summer, although I’m still slogging through the edits. But I fell on my face when it came to writing my story for Boomerang. I’ve been fighting through the same oneshot since early July and haven’t even dreamt of entering the few oneshot challenges that have floated my way.
When real life gets in the way, there’s really nothing you can do to get your inspiration back. Sometimes the fanfic can be “a place to hide,” as it was for me when I was struggling to cope with high school. But these days, it’s almost a chore. When I feel like I’m letting down everyone in my real life and even myself, it’s hard to face the people I’m letting down online too — the people who read and enjoy my stories and who I can barely answer when they ask about updates.
I’m not looking for sympathy here. I know I’m not the only person going through lots of shit right now; the last few weeks/months have seen several fans taking hiatuses from hanfic for various reasons. It’s a shame that this coincides so perfectly with their tour. A lot of us are busy seeing them on tour (in fact, I might have come out ahead on my big bang fic if it weren’t for that concert in Louisville…), but that isn’t the case for everyone.
Seeing Hanson in concert this summer, for the very first time ever, reminded me of why I love them. Their passion for music and life is what gets me through some of my worst days. I’d love to have a tenth of the talent and ambition of those boys. But I have my own talent, even though I may fight with it some days, weeks, months and even years. There may be days when I want to throw in the towel, but I still have more stories. I still have more to give, more to get out of my brain, more to be.
So, I’ll get through this lull and I’ll be pulling for the rest of my hanfic friends to get through it as well.
In more upbeat, newsy sort of stuff — October spotlights will be coming soon and all the stories for Boomerang will be posted within the next week.